...alright.

So I decided that I want to be a comedian if I grow up and today I sat down and wrote down my first joke. It's not much but I'd like to see what you guys think.

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I've come to realize I'm an 'OSHI-' baby. My mother and father got together on like November '93 (I was born in July) and had, according to my father, the craziest fucking fuck ever. So apparently 3 months later my father gets a call from my mother and I'd figured it went a little something like this.

Mom: Hey baby.

Dad: Oh hey sexy thing, how you doing?

Mom: Not much, um, I have something to tell you.

Dad: What's up hun, you can tell me anything.

Mom: I'm pregnant.

Dad: Is it mine?

Mom: Mhmm.

Dad: OSHI-

--------------------

yeah, my first joke.

...

?.

fffffffffffffffffffffff, I wish I was gone a little bit longer, but now I'm back and lost a shitload of shit. I lost all of my old movies and .flas and music that I occasionally listen to. Now that my computer cleared out, I have to basically start all over. A lot of things have happened over the hiatus, so many things that I really don't care for writing about....

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

BACK TO WORK. LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOIGHJRDTW#$%TR$ER%
TFLErtfazs4rtgsd5o6tygse56taw45trfAS$T FGETG.

...but I'm mooching off of my sister's laptop today.

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

fasdfq24rdfaeefzxrt45tfg.

...
She used to tell me my daddy was an evil man,
she used to tell me he hated me
But then I got a little bit older
and I realized, she was the crazy one
But there was nothing I could do or say to try to change it
cause that's just the way she was

They said I can't rap about being broke no more
They ain't say I can't rap about coke no more
(AH!) Slut, you think I won't choke no whore
'til the vocal cords don't work in her throat no more?!
(AH!) These motherfuckers are thinking I'm playing
Thinking I'm saying the shit cause I'm thinking it just to be saying it
(AH!) Put your hands down bitch, I ain't gonna shoot you
I'ma pull YOU to this bullet, and put it through you
(AH!) Shut up slut, you're causing too much chaos
Just bend over and take it like a slut, OK Ma?
"Oh, now he's raping his own mother, abusing a whore,
snorting coke, and we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?"
You god damn right BITCH, and now it's too late
I'm triple platinum and tragedies happen in two states
I invented violence, you vile venomous volatile bitches
vain Vicadin, vrinnn Vrinnn, VRINNN!
Texas Chainsaw, left his brains all
dangling from his neck, while his head barely hangs on
Blood, guts, guns, cuts
Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts

Bitch I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me
Girls neither - you ain't nothing but a slut to me
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't gonna never stop beefing I don't squash the beef
You better kill me! I'ma be another rapper dead
for popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn't said
But when they kill me - I'm bringing the world with me
Bitches too! You ain't nothing but a girl to me
.. I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (cause why?)
Cause Shady, will fucking kill you (ah-ha ha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (why?)
Cause Shady, will fucking kill you..

Bitch I'ma kill you! Like a murder weapon, I'ma conceal you
in a closet with mildew, sheets, pillows and film you
Buck with me, I been through hell, shut the hell up!
I'm trying to develop these pictures of the Devil to sell 'em
I ain't "acid rap," but I rap on acid
Got a new blow-up doll and just had a strap-on added
WHOOPS! Is that a subliminal hint? NO!
Just criminal intent to sodomize women again
Eminem offend? NO! Eminem insult
And if you ever give in to him, you give him an impulse
to do it again, THEN, if he does it again
you'll probably end up jumping out of something up on the 10th
(Ah!) Bitch I'ma kill you, I ain't done this ain't the chorus
I ain't even drug you in the woods yet to paint the forest
A bloodstain is orange after you wash it three or four times
in a tub but that's normal ain't it Norman?
Serial killer hiding murder material
in a cereal box on top of your stereo
Here we go again, we're out of our medicine
out of our minds, and we want in yours, let us in
OR I'MA KILL YOU

Bitch I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me
Girls neither - you ain't nothing but a slut to me
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't gonna never stop beefing I don't squash the beef
You better kill me! I'ma be another rapper dead
for popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn't said
But when they kill me - I'm bringing the world with me
Bitches too! You ain't nothing but a girl to me
.. I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (cause why?)
Cause Shady, will fucking kill you (ah-ha ha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (why?)
Cause Shady, will fucking kill you..

Eh-heh, know why I say these things?
Cause lady's screams keep creeping in Shady's dreams
And the way things seem, I shouldn't have to pay these shrinks
this eighty G's a week to say the same things TWEECE!
TWICE? Whatever, I hate these things
Fuck shots! I hope the weed'll outweigh these drinks
Motherfuckers want me to come on their radio shows
just to argue with 'em cause their ratings stink?
FUCK THAT! I'll choke radio announcer to bouncer
from fat bitch to off seventy-thousand pounds of her
from principal to the student body and counselor
from in-school to before school to out of school
I don't even believe in breathing I'm leaving air in your lungs
just to hear you keep screaming for me to seep it
OK, I'M READY TO GO PLAY
I GOT THE MACHETE FROM O.J.
I'M READY TO MAKE EVERYONE'S THROAT ACHE
You faggots keep egging me on
'til I have you at knifepoint, then you beg me to stop?
SHUT UP! Give me your hands and feet
I said SHUT UP when I'm talking to you
YOU HEAR ME? ANSWER ME!
OR I'MA KILL YOU

Bitch I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me
Girls neither - you ain't nothing but a slut to me
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't gonna never stop beefing I don't squash the beef
You better kill me! I'ma be another rapper dead
for popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn't said
But when they kill me - I'm bringing the world with me
Bitches too! You ain't nothing but a girl to me
.. I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (cause why?)
Cause Shady, will fucking kill you (ah-ha ha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (why?)
Cause Shady, will fucking kill you..
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Ha ha, I'm just playing ladies
You know I love you.

>:(

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen /285018

So some girl at my school thinks I have been saying things about her and I haven't, but she thinks she is sooooooooooo bad on the internet that I had to do this. I don't consider myself being strong or tough online, but doing this made my weekend a hell of a lot funner.

Enjoy.

-----------------Her-----------------

and who do u think u are to call me a slut and how in the hell do u figgure i sleep around its none of ur business who i sleep with so keep my name out ur mouth or ill take it out for u!..so i betta not here a that u say another damn word about me or my life

-----------------Me-----------------

1. LOL.

2. I haven't seen you around.

3. Sure you would.

4. I didn't say anything.........

-----------------Her -----------------

do u know who this is this is *****'s ex and i have people telling me u were talking about me in coach *****'s class tuesday so u betta watch it boy cuz i will rip my name straght outta ur mouth exspeshly if the shit aint true ....

----------------- Me-----------------

No you won't...

also, I wasn't saying anything that I remember.

----------------- Her-----------------

yes i will and im just saying keep my fucking name out ur damn mouth ....

-----------------Me-----------------

Shut up.

-----------------Her-----------------

hell no fag u need to go some were with ur ugly self and keep my name outta ur mouth!

-----------------Me-----------------

Shut up. You're not gonna do anything. Shut up. Stop swearing, it makes you look like an uneducated slag.

-----------------Her-----------------

listen u stupid mother fucker if u dont keep *****'s name out of ur mouth i will fuck u up u stupid little n*gger and this is her uncle randy
-----------------Me-----------------

Look here, I haven't been saying anything about her. So what you can do, is just go back to doing whatever uncles do and also shut up. Pulling out racial slurs I see. You sir are immature and unoriginal.

again, shut up.

-----------------Her 'uncle' apparently-----------------

dog calm your ass down and stop trin to be an adult and u can shut up cause thats all u can say lil wanna be westly snipes and go back to studing like good lil 10th grade or u can come to my cotton field and pick cotton

-----------------Me-----------------

I am not acting like an adult. I'm acting like a mature young man unlike you who seems to be soooooo strong online using offensive terms to make me 'calm down'. You can either stop where you are at or continue on to amusing me and making me laugh because to be honest, you are making this the best Halloween ever.

In simpler terms, shut up.

/messages

She has yet to respond back.