Mhmm.

dfsfsdfsd.

Today I was debating on whether or not I should visit my family for Labor Day weekend. By choosing yes, this shit happened.

So today I was sitting with my family for Labor Day weekend and a white girl ran across the yard from next door, soaked and wet in a bikini yelling something about her father can't get up. The family rushed over to check the dude out to find out he just fainted. Soon as I found that out, I replayed the girl running to us in my head in slow motion. She was hot, but it would've been inappropriate to ask for her phone number.

I was all like, 'OSHI- DEAD GUY?' at the beginning, but when I found out her dad just fainted I was all like, 'OSHI- HAWT CHICK.' Now does that make me a douche because I was checking her out or was I just being curious? I don't know. Shit was crazy though.

Fission Mailed.

Fold em' let em' hit me, raise it baby, stay with me
LoveGame intuition play the cards with spades to start
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what i've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what i've got

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(He`s got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she`s got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love, if its not rough it isn't fun

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what i've got
Want you to know Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what i've got

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(He`s got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she`s got me like nobody)

I won't tell you that i love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause i'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' With my love-glue-gunning
Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before i pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand 'cause I am marvelous,
I'm marvelous, I'm marvelous, I'm marvelous, so marvelous

Can't read my, can't read my
He can't read my poker face

.
/* */
Fuck you Twilight.

It was a long journey, but I finally found myself. This was not an easy thing for me to do. Around last Sunday, I took a hiatus from Newgrounds and left my account in the very responsible hands of my buddy from Portugal, Tiago. After I logged out of my Newgrounds account, I fell asleep, resting my head for what I was about to do.

Monday morning, I woke up, packed my bags, and headed out. I started to hitch a ride to California to search for my long lost brother, Kevin. The fella that lent me a ride was acting a wee bit suspicious, but I paid it no mind. As we were traveling I got to know the man a little. His name was Jeff and he was going to Cali for a career in acting, which was fine but his mysterious behavior lead me to believe he isn't the brightest crayon in the box.

In Houston, Texas we stopped for a random police check, Jeff was sweating bullets at this moment. The officer came to the car and ask for the license and registration, but Jeff started asking why was he stopped. The policeman took offense to this and asked him to step out the car. Jeff panicked and sped off. At this moment I was scared as shit, not knowing what to expect. I ask, 'What the hell are you doing? Why didn't you give him your license and shit?' and then Jeff replied, 'To be completely honest with you, I'm wanted for four counts of murder and possession of narcotics.' My mind was blown.

Jeff wasn't the best of drivers, considering he was Asian. He crashed his car into a wall at a local law firm which happened to be owned by Valz. Unfortunately I didn't have time for chit-chat as I was being dragged out of the car the police.

I was in a holding cell for the next 3 days. The worst 3 days of my life. The food was horrible, the people smelt GOD awful, and the bathrooms were crap. The only positive thing out of that is I grew a beard. I got out on a Thursday morning with nothing. No bags, no money, nothing at all. Here I am, stranded in Houston with nothing. I figured, what the hell and walked my way to California.

I would been damned if I was to hitch a ride with another drifter. Sadly, I was abducted by a cult in a black van. They wore black robes and worship and strange creature that looked like a combination of a goat and Fergie. Their chants were almost haunt thing, they were the only group of people that I knew that could speak backwards.

As they dragged me to a tub, filled with a strange boiling liquid, I could tell I was being used as a sacrifice. Tug and pull. Push and shove. I couldn't get away. I got one of my hands free and pull lint from my pant pocket. The cult was amazed. As if they never saw lint before.

They sat there and stared at the lint as I made my escape out of their secret hideout. Strangely, things around the hideout did not look like Houston anymore. I stopped by a local convenient called 'Pleasant 'Jays'. I was shocked to see my good friend Sanjay at his store. We made small talk and I asked the date, he said it was August 21st. As mad as I was to find I was find out I was farther for California than I expected, I asked Sanjay to give me a ride back to Georgia which he kindly did. He got someone to cover for him, and we drove off.

Now I am back. Though I never saw my brother Kevin, I was still shocked as the past experiences I had witnessed. One day I hope to see my brother of different color. Maybe it will be this year, next year, a decade, maybe even a century before I see him. But one thing I know, I will see him. One day.

TL;DR: I'm back, what did I miss?

Picture taken by cast, my ex-cellmate.

EDIT: BRB. (again)

BRB.

.
/* */
Prove me wrong.

I really want to go to the UK.

...don't comment here.

As of August 17, 2009, it is now an official that every female user on Newgrounds.com is ordered to send me nude/semi-nude pictures of themselves. Though you may be scared of the photos leaking out to the regular users, all received photos will stay with me and only me. Be aware, if you do not follow along, you my suffer very difficult consequences. Though not that severe, but highly annoying.

A link to send photos:
http://www.newgrounds.com/pm/send/tehs laphappy

Female users only. Though male users may be tempted, only female users apply. All sizes are fine. Big, small, medium, tall. No one is allowed to disregard this PSA. This is not a trick nor game. No one will be hurt or harassed. Nothing bad will happen.

Send away.

Sincerely,

TehSlapHappy.

[edit]
Photos Received: ( 17 )

OSHI- Wow, that's a lot. Kevn and I have a lot of pictures to scroll through.

kthxbai.

Yeah. Here's a new post with useless shit n' shit.

I hate looking at my face. lmao.

Now for a completely unrelated picture.